the progression; september 2020

september 1st 2020

transitionssssssss~

so especially in the SPED world, “transitions” are such a big corner stone of education and life and helping a child learn to transition smoothly is its own rabbit hole.

why- humans have difficulty with transitions whether they are neurodivergent or not but people within this criteria and people on the spectrum may have heightened responses and needs before/during/after transitions due to countless reasons that are specific to the individual, the context, the day, etc (i.e. stress, uncertainty, lingering emotions from previous interaction, worry, difficulty completing said task they are transitioning to/from, etc)

personally, i’m a fan of fast & immediate clear cut transitions. if i’m not feeling 100% one day and i’m late for something or stuck in a slow confusing transition i willlllll get stressed and may have a mini anxiety attack regardless of how much logic i try to throw at my brain & body. i do a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy tasks with myself alllll the time.

in early intervention we use a lot of things to help transitioning. verbal prep/convo, transition items like toys to hold from point a to point b, visual aids, timers, encouragement, validation, reassurance.

if a child or any human for that matter is exhibiting difficulties with transitions listen to them. observe the environment, their body language, any communication they’re attempting, see why and meet them where they are at. prepping for transitions and exploring the reasons why things may be hard is a bare minimum that requires patience and compassion

i “transition” my hair so much and change my apartment and similar things in my immediate environment constantly.

i’ve learned that some of this impulsive decisiveness and craving for change probably originated from my coping mechanisms ive used my whole life to handle transitions, good and bad.

speaking of transition, happy september”

september 5th 2020

“my swarles is a registered emotional support animal and mr mojo jojo will be soon too.

i’ve had some traumatic experiences with pets before but with swarley specifically, we had some of the worst days of our life together in december 2018.

autism or not, animals can have such a positive impact on a humans quality of life and ability to feel safe and regulated.

sometimes if i’m feeling dysregulated or overwhelmed or i’m having a full blown panic attack, i will just grab my babydog and hold him. i can regulate my heart rate and breathing to his, especially when i hold him to my chest.

next time you see a dog in public, think twice before complaining etc, they might be an ESA and service animal laws don’t always protect the option to bring an ESA into a public space.

this sweet baby angel pup is going to live forever and that’s all i have to say on that.

(i actually have more to say as per usual but i was in the ER this week-i’m home and “okay” now but taking some time to chill)”

september 7th 2020

“sleep. i don’t really sleep much. it’s been that way since i can remember, having difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep and getting restful sleep.

i went the majority of the last 25 yrs assuming that everyone has that hard of a time sleeping. that everyone’s body just forgets how to lay itself down without causing pain or discomfort. my body often refuses to relax, it feels like my muscles and brain literally forgot how to sleep. my mind may race and even if i shut my eyes it’s like they’re wide open and angry at every ounce of light that dares to pass through my eyelid.

right now, i try to start falling asleep around 10pm and wake up at 5am without fail completely unable to go back to resting regardless of the sleep i did or didn’t get.

sleep affects development, digestion, brain function/retention of information, decision making, mental clarity, appetite, mood, and pretty much everything.

i’ve been tweaking my evening and morning routines to give myself as much chance for rest as possible, especially with my recent ER visit. i’ve never been able to nap either, i wake up feeling sick to my stomach typically. lately, with my ongoing health issues i’ve been napping more and that has seemed to help from time to time with feeling more rested.

sleep is over looked by so many professionals because it’s seen as non related or a “home” problem. this is definitely not a productive line to be drawn in the sand by professionals and an area where people with ASD may need some more advocacy.”

september 8th 2020

“clothingggggg~

as a child i mostly remember preferring stretchy pants, basically leggings, and comfy baggy sweatshirts. i wore my favorite light blue gap sweatshirt everryyyyy day during 3rd grade ish up probably until 5th. even though so many kids made the “gay and proud” jokes about GAP; oh the irony.

there was also a solid 6month+ period when i was a toddler where i refused to wear anything but my favorite twirly easter dress. thankfully my sister had the same one so my parents easily switched one out to wash.

i also was notorious for screeeeaaammming fits if the seams on my stockings/socks didn’t line up with my toes perfectly or if anything i was wearing had a tag or literally anything to make me feel itchy/uncomfortable.

comfortable things like the romper i’m wearing in this throwback from last summer are golddddddd in my eyes.

comfort is the main aspect of how i dress myself and why i’m often wearing as few clothes as possible when i’m home.

most of my clothes were significantly baggy on accident; i was always very underweight and super short.

the clothing and texture preferences that i started to describe in my last post have truly a whole iceberg in my brain; there’s so much more to this. here’s my go at an initial intro.

clothing is tied very closely to self expression and social norms. i 100% will and always have ignore social norms with clothing (if i even realize they exist😂) for three main reasons:

~because i want to and who cares
~i like the look & want to wear it
~because SENSORYYYYYYY.

with autism often having a sensory component combined with proprioceptive and motor control features, comfortable clothing helps me to remain regulated, calm, and happy. this is the difference between a “good day” and constant sensory/nerve pain with difficulty executing motor functions increased by the restrictive and uncomfortable clothing.

when i say uncomfortable what i mean is: causing physical sensations that are so detrimental that they cause the incoming input to my brain to be “jumbled” if not altogether translated into “alarm bells” that take over my entire consciousness and will not stop until i rid my space of irritants.

i constantly run in to things and drop things; this is a good example of proprioceptive and motor function impacts.

just imagine how difficult it would have been for me as a child to realize everything i just explained and then tell my parents. without even having a diagnosis.

listen to your babes and listen for all communication, actions, sounds, expressions, anything and everything; think about their communicative intent when you’re seeing “atypical” behavior and are feeling stumped.”

september 9th 2020

“one of the biggest internal struggles i had when i started to suspect autism and then again when i got my diagnosis was: “how on earth am i supposed to be an SLP while also being a human with autism”.

i was petrified of coworkers/patients/peers/family learning of my diagnosis.

i was worried that i would be dismissed and invalidated and discriminated against. i was worried that those external reactions from others would penetrate my mind in a horrible way and send me spiraling.

apparently, i can do hard things.

i’ve been met with nothing but support and there are no words for how that feels.

at one point i was so concerned and scared that i thought i would need to change career paths.

today i met my new mentor at the private practice i’ll be joining soon and i was 100% authentic.

i’m so grateful for the #actuallyautistic community and for MY community of humans. (also grateful for my 70lb baby puppy who believes he’s a lap cat).”

september 10th 2020

slumped & sad & stressed.

this morning i sent my contract for my new job and this afternoon i heard back that due to covid they are no longer able to financially support a new hire until possibly january.

i’m heartbroken and discouraged.
need to figure out what to do next and how to pay the bills as i’ve only worked two PRN days since i stepped aside from work in February due to my declining health.

all amidst a terrifying reality of forest fires in the PNW and smoke everywhere in portland. (not to mention the global pandemic and systemic racism to worry about).

on the plus side i have some medical procedures next week that will hopefully give me some answers🤞🏼🤞🏼

as of today i’m also stuck on the FODMAPS diet for 8 weeks😓.

life is hard today.

emotions are difficult for all humans to feel and regulate, for people with autism this is typically amplified practically exponentially.

we feel all things usually with our entire being, cognitively, physically/sensory based etc. whether or not i’m able to identify them in the moment emotions are big and strong and impossible to shake at times.

autistic people often are incredibly susceptible to assimilating to the emotions, affect, and mental state of those around them. one of the millions of reasons that learning how to identify and address emotions is a huge part of speech therapy. (and why we may be more susceptible to toxic and one sided relationships but more on that another day).

personally i am always working on differentiating my moods and internal states as mine or from others. similar to what “empaths” may experience.

anywayssssss.. stay safe everyone”

september 11th 2020

“it feels impossible to find the right words to convey just how supportive kella has been during my whole diagnosis process, chronic illness, bad days, and really bad days.

as a couple, we’re both neurodivergent. kella has ADHD and dyslexia. in all honestly this makes us a very chaotically fun couple when we’re happy and healthy.

this also means that we may be MIA sometimes to figure out our own mental and physical health & are constantly checking in with each other to learn about our brains/reactions/internal&external responses.

we might not always understand what on earth is going on in our brains but we use all our coping skills and therapeutic knowledge constantlyyyyyyy.

my babe works in residential psychiatric care for at risk youth and she is a freakin superstar (seriously ask any of her co workers this human is incredible at what she does)

the point is, this human is incredible💖

we have such a unique experience together that has taught me so much and i can’t wait to share some more insights with y’all in the future”

september 12th 2020

“ive been getting a lot of questions lately about if i felt it was worth it to get an official diagnosis; yes yes yes. my main reasoning comes from a few different things/experiences.

it wasn’t complicated to get for me personally (aside from the whole 25yr delay thing🙃) but logistically i mean it was easy for me.

i had an initial intake appt with a psychiatrist (it was over zoom bc it was literally right at the start of covid chaos) and based on the in depth case history info i gave and our first session it was basically just a verbal diagnosis and that was it. i was expecting a formal battery of assessments and paperwork and annoying stuff like for peds but i asked her and she said it wasn’t necessary. her expertise and her diagnosis stand alone (as they should).

some of my personal reasoning:

~if your health declines drastically like mine has, you may need a dx for disability benefits. (which i’m hopefully going to get some help to apply for soon because i’m literally drowning debt from covid and medical bills and rent/student loans once those come into effect again).

i was really feeling strange about applying for benefits which is why it’s taken me so long to get the information on the application process.

reason being the social stigmas attached.

it’s also a potential safeguard for discrimination, i personally experienced issues with previous employers and if i wanted to pursue that legally the fact that i do have a dx would be in my favor to help protect me.”

september 13th 2020

“personally i’ve often attributed my social “success” (success referencing ability to assimilate into widespread neurotypical settings/culture and social behaviors/norms) to a few things:

~being a triplet
~being petite &conventionally attractive
~high interpersonal intelligence
~high intrapersonal intelligence
~insane memory
~inability to keep anything to myself

why??????

being a triplet, my brother & sister and i obviously spent most of our time together when we were growing up. when we came to school age my sister and i were treated as “ally&mary”. it felt quite literally like we were being categorized as a single human by everyone for their own convenience and we just had to deal.

not to sound negative, mary’s great and all. we had the same teachers and were only able to do social events if we were both invited. in certain situations i would take the social lead and she would follow, other times i relied on her.

we also spent a lot of time with other triplets and multiples (triplet mom club is a very real thing). a large mix of neurotypical/neurodiverse for sure.

as for the conventionally attractive thing, you can take that up with society.

incidence of developmental delays/disorders and other health conditions increase with multiple births. there is a lot more research to be done in relation to neurodiversity and multiples.

i’ve always been one to stop and observe my surroundings constantly. something that made me an okay soccer player & super attentive SLP.

~interpersonal skills describe your interactions and awareness related to other people’s internal states and how social dynamics may influence a situation. it’s your knowledge of other people & their emotions/responses etc.

~intrapersonal skills have to do with yourself. i am always working on better understanding my feelings, reactions, preferences, actions, how others perceive me, etc.

~memoryyyyy. i’ve always been the person who “knows you” before you meet me or remembers your name and 8 strange details about that one time we met 5 yrs ago for two seconds. i typically remember so much more about people than they remember 😂 i’ve had to do so much work socially to know when it’s “weird” that i remember xyz and i shouldn’t bring it up/when is it appropriate to show off my insane memory.

this also can make me sound accidentally condescending. sometimes i truly can’t gauge what information is “common knowledge” for a given social interaction so i may provide too much information. i do this to prevent communication breakdowns and because it’s kinda just automatic. i teach and i talk constantly i’d be lying if i said that i didn’t catch myself in “slp teaching mode” every now and then when i didn’t need it….”

september 14th 2020

“i switched the hashtag in my bio today from “slpwithasd” to “slpANDasd”

the difference here is language. and it’s important. autistic people and neurodiverse people primarily prefer identity first language “autistic, autistic adult” rather than person first language “person with autism” “person on the spectrum” etc.

these phrasings represent very different perspectives when considering ableism and lived experiences among the neurodivergent & autistic community.

as professionals, we are taught to use person first language to prevent offending autistic people. we need to unlearn these ideals that were taught to us. they are rooted in ableism and more importantly if you are not autistic your role is to listen about preferences not to teach what you think is “correct” or “more appropriate”.

if you get it wrong, be direct and briefly address it by correcting yourself and move right along with the discussion! we’re all human and we’re all learning constantly!

for a while i preferred “spectrumy” or “on the spectrum” bc i was so well trained to feel like calling myself “autistic” would be like self-hate. i no longer feel that way and i’m here to help y’all unlearn too”

september 15th 2020

“growing up all humans struggle with fitting in and finding their “thing”.
it seemed that all my friends would each have one specific skill they were just incredible at; sports, academics, singing, creating, dancing etc.

i always felt like everything i tried to do was moderately fun, i’d make friends pretty easy, i’d learn the concepts or the norms quickly, and i’d find a way to enjoy things. i was never just naturally great at those things or “the best”.

now, yes; so much of this perception of mine likely rooted in typical developmental insecurities and social development etc. but regardless of where it originated, that’s how i saw it.

as i’m embracing things that i’d now call some of my special interests i’m realizing i have all these “hidden talents”. they’re not really hidden talents, i’d say that because of my unique way of doing things, strong critical thinking skills, and ability to learn extremely quickly, i’m able to do a lot of random things well. this is surprisingly overwhelming and can make it hard to realize what i actually enjoy versus what i’m doing because it was a challenge that i refused to leave unsolved. (that’s the capricorn in me😂)

autistic brains/nervous systems function differently than those of neurotypical people. allowing students/children to explore a variety of skills or subjects of interest is a positive thing, especially if it’s their “special interest”.

this term has gained some strange negative connotation indicating they should be suppressed or hidden. “pick one thing and stick to it” but “okay now you’re too into it chill out” attitudes of society are harmful to the development of all children but especially autistic children!”

september 16th 2020

 “first had the internal discussion with myself about feeling queer in 5th grade.

my whole life required lot of time and effort to keep everything about myself that i perceived as “different” a secret. anything different from my siblings or my peers was squashed in my consciousness out of fear/panic.

not because i was ashamed or i didn’t think i was aloud to explore my “differences” but because i knew that it would mean a battle for everything forever. and that sounded utterly exhausting. the best solution was to just be like everyone around me. copy them. mask it alllllll.

this does not mean that i was inauthentic my whole life.

this means i spent extra time and energy to show people how “normal” i was. i focused on features of my life and personality that made me feel safe and accepted with mainstream neurotypical culture. this is masking. this is done often subconsciously to maintain regulation and safety in settings where my natural state, preferences, actions, internal states, emotional needs, sensory needs, proprioceptive needs, etc are all being closely monitored and altered for the benefit of those around me.

masking is harmful to autistic people, queer people, and many other populations who use this to survive and to “fit in”. masking refers both to internal and external protective mechanisms.

i had no idea about neurodiversity at the time but certain comments stick in my memory when i think about my history with masking:

“you’re too sensitive” “too emotional i can’t handle it” “so dramatic” “you complain about everything and it’s annoying” “do you ever stop talking” “but you’re not autistic” “you really don’t look like you have autism” “no one else is having this problem” “hahahaha you look like you’re stimming” “you’re the problem” “but you seem normal how are you not?” “okay but what makes you autistic like give me specific examples bc i’ve never seen it””

september 17th 2020

“embracing the in between.
middle child life
being the “glue” friend
blonde vs brunette
straight hair vs curls
bisexual
feminine vs tomboy
slp vs asd
social vs nonsocial
healthy vs chronic illness

~these are some of the most literal and superficial ways that “embracing the in between” applies to my life. there’s a much more meaningful and in-depth analysis in my journal but i’m not quite to that level of over sharing (yet?¿)

i’ve always felt a strong internal obligation to my surroundings to maintain peace & equilibrium. maybe that originated in my own attempt to regulate my own internal states by ensuring those around me were happy/neutral so not as to give me any negative emotions to latch on to.

i feel in between on so many levels; which is true given that so many things like asd and sexuality are on a spectrum. by definition i do lie somewhere between two fixed end points. this creates some issues for self identity and how to execute that socially for someone who likes clear cut direct literal style thinking.

yes there are times i am very literal and this can create communication breakdowns. no this does not have any implication on my intelligence it is simply a style of communication and a giant reason speech pathologists are crucial in social and communicative development for a variety of populations who’s language differences/disorders are likely to strongly impact their lives.”

september 18th 2020

“i’ve been sad all week. sad about everything but it also feels like i’m sad about nothing. emotions are complex for everyone.

@undercoverautie has been doing some amazing posts showing more into the way autistic people experience emotions with their entire being.

i’m sad, this throwback makes me feel good about myself after spending the night awake, frustrated, vomiting, and sad.

another feature of asd can be an almost “emotionless” blank-ness at times.
i experience this when i’m overwhelmed or when i’m implementing radical acceptance. sometimes this neutral appearing state throws people off but my system is constantly processing and feeling emotions i encounter from others, emotions my anxiety conjures up, and actual internal emotions and responses to the stimuli around me.

i’m especially prone to this when i’m working full time in early intervention or with school age kids. the animated fun human that does amazing with kids during therapy can take insane amounts of cognitive and emotional and physical effort if i’m not 100%.”

september 19th 2020

“a lot of autistic people also have brain injuries. TBIs (traumatic brain injuries) are common in this population for multiple reasons:

~higher risk for abuse\situations leading to physical harm
~motor/coordination features of asd
~variations among visual features/depth perception/proprioception
~self injurious behaviors and bystander responses
~being people; TBIs affect so much of the general population and are often minimized and ignored *cough cough NFL*

i’ve had a handful of mild brain injuries and i’ve not received any actual treatment or real evaluation for any of them. this is super common. a lot of patients with both asd and TBIs have concerns with their cognitive function for seemingly simple everyday memory tasks etc.

between my partner’s ADHD and my ASD and TBIs (and a lot of other stuff but you get the point) concentration, attention, auditory processing, recall, long term recall, initiation of tasks, and so many other “automatic” functions take a lot of cognitive effort.

here are SOME of the skills and strategies that we use for MEMORY. i’ll share more strategies in the future obv.

-verbal repetition of info (at least 3x)
-chaining/chunking (x is related to y and then to z)
-routine; same actions in same location everyday, etc
-verbal comprehension checks (“when are you going to do x?” “i’m going to do x before z but after y”)
-associations
-visual reminders (we constantly write ourselves notes and post its and use our white board)

and as the pictures show, this is how we feel when after ALLL our efforts fail, we forget things and feel horrible, then life goes on and we do better next time”

september 20th 2020

“so far there have been two concepts/philosophies that really clicked with me.

internal locus of control vs external locus of control

“a child will do well if they can, not if they want to” from collaborative problem solving (CPS)

the locus of control concepts were introduced to me during a lecture in grad school at the university of utah in 2016. i use this as a little litmus test in my head at times when i’m mentally spirling or just to figure out what i’m feeling, why i’m feeling it, and how should this impact my actions/immediate environment/etc. check out this link for more about it

http://www.psych.uncc.edu/pagoolka/LocusofControl-intro.html

3 months into my clinical fellowship, in october 2018 i attended a certification for Collaborative Problem Solving. while it didn’t exactly address the population i was working with at the time (early childhood special ed 3-5yrs) it taught me something so valuable. the way they presented this concept just clicked so instantly for me and has allowed me to have so much internal growth in the last couple years as i fall back on this philosophy.

humans do well if they can, NOT “if they want to”. intrinsically no child wakes up and decides to misbehave or be “bad” or do whatever it is that is adults may get frustrated by. if a child/student/human/client/patient/pet/any living thing is not “doing well” think from their perspective. observe the surroundings, emotional contexts, etc. what skills may they be lacking that would solve the current problem or prevent it all together??”

september 22nd 2020

“v tired today & way more stuff on my to-do list than i would like.

i’ve always had issues internally with gaging how affectionate i’m being/how effectively im expressing my emotions via body language/facial expression.

i’ve been told a lot in the past by partners that i don’t “show” my affection well enough or consistently enough.

i can totally be very happy, bubbly, emotional, cuddly etc and it’s completely authentic don’t get me wrong. but sometimes i’ve caught myself in moods or extended periods of time where my outward expression of emotions kinda halts. i still feel just the same internally, i’m not “shutting down” bc i’m sad or overwhelmed or anything. odds are i don’t even realize i’ve entered this “mode”. sometimes it seems to be related to physical fatigue or compassion fatigue but honestly most of the time it doesn’t seem to have an obvious trigger.

my theory is that this is just a feature of being autistic and could be either a normal variant of emotional processing/expression, or a subconscious coping mechanism my brain employs to mask or prevent fatigue.

who knows.

i officially decided to make my insta (& my brain) public and use it for education, advocacy, &my own personal growth when i was zoned out listening to music on the way to mine & kella’s camping trip this summer.

one of the first things i knew i wanted to share & expand on & explore internally was “retrospective red flags” i could identify in my own development.

the more i think about it the more resistance i feel towards sharing this hypothetical “list”.

today i zoned out and stumbled into a possible explanation;

referring to features and signs or commonalities of autism as “red flags” the way professionals/caregivers often do throws a giant negative connotation with it.

the ableism in a lot of the existing ASD literature outlines features and characteristics of autism in these terrifying lists with extreme examples to be feared by all. when working in early intervention using the term “red flags” was never a part of a positive conversation.

“red flags” are for toxic relationships and other life threatening/ruining things. “red flags” are for panic and i’ve spent 25 years internally panicking because i need to mask things that other people might perceive as “red flags”.

rather than scare parents and students and professionals with the “red flags” to look out for let’s increase common knowledge about features of autism and how autistic people are likely to interact with their environments early on in development.

increase awareness of new diagnostic criteria rather than well known historical/social stereotypes.

parents should be directed to perspectives that aim to both understand and celebrate neurodiversity not just the “scary autism red flag patrol” that is so widespread right now.

there are definitely features of my preferences, personality, behaviors, development etc that can be explained/validated with autism.

i haven’t quite perfected that “list” or decided how exactly to share, but i will eventually, probably”

september 25th 2020

“eye contact.

some articles have been shared lately in the SLP community related to graduate speech students developing a pair of glasses with visual stimuli next to the lens. the main purpose of this is to target eye contact with autistic clients.

in grad school my cohort had a half semester course on autism spectrum disorder.

one thing i left with unclear ideas about was eye contact. it was clear that some professionals targeted it but others refused and treated it like it was voldemort’s idea.
(kinda like oral motor exercises for speech)

has the idea to target eye contact simply evolved from a misconstrued neurotypical interpretation of body language/communicative variations among the neurodivergent?

what about the neuromotor functions/impairments/variations??

what about any comorbidities further affecting the “abilities” ?

i’m not always a fan of eye contact or greeting people tbh. i know how and when to execute just about anything in this social norm realm; even though it makes me hyper aware at times.

forcing eye contact or social greetings like handshakes/hugs etc is detrimental to autistic’s wellbeing.

neurodivergent people are diverse and valid. let’s learn from them not brainwash them into an inauthentic impression of a neurotypical human.”

september 26th 2020

“yes it’s dark out bc i basically never sleep

the point is, i woke up feeling regulated and calm and happy today.

throughout my education i’ve obviously heard a lot of people describe autism spectrum disorder. it left me terrified and also feeling unprepared as an SLP. the first time i heard a description of autism from an actually autistic adult it immediately resonated with me.

they described it as “sometimes you wake up and everything’s fine; but sometimes you wake up and the whole words upside down”

so really think about that. feeling like everything is completely wrong chaotic and upside down but not having the words or ideas to really convey that to the people around you. and that’s IF you have the awareness it takes to observe that about your own reality. and IF you have the supportive environment around you with people who are wanting and capable of understanding your perception.

i often wake up with a strong pull to either side of good/bad. it’s taken so many years of work to realize that and then to wake up in a bad space and change it??? so difficult.

but today i woke up grateful and expressive.”

september 28th 2020

“some things related to my life that just make sense as an autistic human:

-i hate using capital letters when typing
-i learned to jump rope backwards & that’s the only way i can do it
-geometric shapes/lines/concepts are so satisfying and logical, that’s how i taught myself to paint
-very strong aversions to specific smells
-a clean apartment=calm mind
-making lists/planning out my day & long term, constantly updating the mental lists in my head
-strong specific preferences for some things but virtually no preference for others
-tangents/hyperfixations manifesting in so many ways
-always bringing snacks/planning my to do lists around acquiring more snacks
-change my hair and apt constantly

~just a few things, i’m sure the people close to me could identify a few more lolllll

i’ve been really thinking about when to have my clinical lens on when posting versus my casual baseline human lens. there is no separating them and that can be really really frustrating.

i’ve received comments from past supervisors about building too much rapport with clients and comments about not connecting enough.

i’m not going to magically care about your social norms; if you want me to be a human, let me be this human. that happens to be an autistic SLP who will never stop talking✌🏼

why do we over share???

are we just trying to relate to those around us in hopes they reciprocate?

are we over sharing to relieve the mental/physical tension that over powers us when dysregulated or fixated etc ?

know someone who overshares a lot? what could their communicative intent be?”

september 30th 2020

“waiting for test results and anticipating doctors appts is the worst.

i’m still waiting on the results of my stomach biopsy and today i have an initial appt at a high risk genetic clinic.

new doctors is the most stressful thing ever.

i can’t even tell you the amount of doctors who have dismissed me and gaslit.

most of them openly admit to not even reading my chart before the appt.

i give too much information & i turn in to a rambling over explaining emotional wreck.

or i say as little as possible to avoid the judgement or patronizing comments about anxiety/depression/trauma.

aka “you’re crazy” hypochondriac territory.
medical professionals can really be the worst sometimes.

the amount of doctors who don’t know what “asd” is, is insanity. i clarify by saying “autism” and it’s very clear they have no idea about the physical and medical implications, common comorbidities, and risks associated.

im too sad/stressed/irritated/impatient to get any more in-depth today.

i just want some help, i want to be healthy and functioning, im a human, i’m a patient, and i go to doctors for help, not dismissal. #rantover

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