internet gaslighting turned internal

i’ve received so much positive support over the last few months in the form of kind words and stories and discussions.

last night someone messaged me on instagram in response to a Sia related post on my story.

the gist was, “what about Sia’s mental health?”

my reaction…

i immediately deleted their message and closed my phone.

i felt tiny and over-vocal and insignificant and cruel.

this morning, that same person requested to message me again. it was a lengthy apology and explanation as to where her reactiveness was coming from and why she spoke to me like that. she explained more on her perspective and this is what i responded with;

“i’m glad you reached out again bc honestly that first message sent me spirling into a bad place mentally; it felt very gaslighty and made me feel small and mean. honestly i work so hard to not be mean to people even when i firmly disagree or when they have sincerely wronged me. i immediately deleted the message and stopped using my phone for a few hours.

and yeah honestly i believe Sia is autistic; that trauma she’s experienced in her life is terrible but her privilege and platform as an artist calls for better education on her part. intention is great but it won’t erase error from execution.

her words and actions will continue to restrict the resources and progression of quality of life for disabled people as a whole. she has plenty resources and she misused them. as a disabled person currently drowning in debt because i lost my job due to discrimination and have a major health crisis during COVID, her actions hurt me and they make my heart hurt for all the people who can’t speak up about the hurt. my heart hurts for the people who don’t know they’re helping her perpetuate ignorance.”

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