the older i get the more hesitant i am to respond when someone says “any questions?”. especially a figure of power.
because YES i have so many questions. your syntax was vague and i’m not sure exactly what you mean. or you did not provide enough information and i know that i need more information to complete said task but telling you in this exact moment that you are mistaken and i’m certain that actually i noticed xyz and xyz needs blah blah before i can do what you asked, or whatever.
believe it or not authority figures don’t like this.
they can’t appreciate my value in the moment because they typically are so offended that i’m needing to clarify their vague communication or they don’t know how to explain it and simply can’t answer my questions.
there’s almost no way to sound nice in those moments. if i try to be super nice and fluffy then i don’t actually get my message across because it’s too passive. if i wait too long to bring up my question things get weird. if i say my questions immediately with my reasoning or point of confusion, that can be met with “uuuuuh chill”.
one of the biggest things i mask as a femme tiny human is my intellect. i’m smart, i’ve always been smart and i’ve always known that. my brain causes me a lot of twists and turns in life but one thing i’ve been able to rely on is that i love learning and i’m great at learning and teaching.
these things make working for certain humans or organizations really difficult when it gets interpreted into a power struggle rather than a collaboration of minds for the same goal and a cohesive awareness of what needs to be done and how it may be carried out.
i do a lot of things in the widespread way known to many but i also actively enjoy doing things that are challenging and puzzling because it allows me to use my really strong critical thinking and problem solving skills. my immediate task motivation is not always “how fast can i get this done” but “how can i do this in a way that makes sense to me, will be easy to share/teach others, and completes all necessary goals”.
the pressures that be will have us masking everything and burying our strengths, along with a little bit of our soul each time.
&&&&& i’m over it.